I Fell in Love

I actually fell in love about 2 years ago. I'm 17 now, almost 18. It seems extremely young, but somehow I can tell that it really was this intense love. I knew this boy a year older than me, we met online and lived in different countries, so we never met. He was such a major part of my life in a lot of ways, though. About a year into talking was when I really started to fall in love. We could've been something, even if it was just an online couple, but I was too self-conscious and ignorant to realize that maybe the feelings were mutual. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe he actually thought of us as a couple, which I feel is likely when looking back on our conversations. I mean, the dude legit said that he loved me once but I'm dumb so I didn't take that biggest frickin hint.
Anyways, about two years of us talking online, I was dumb and caused us to stop talking. It's been a year since then (maybe even almost 2 years) and I still can't get over it. There are still times when I cry over it because I just miss him so much. He was one of the greatest things to have ever happened to me. A lot of times when I'm alone (which is most of the time) I still get this hollow aching in my heart, with the thought of him lingering at the back of my head.
The worst part is that I have a boyfriend now (he's also an online bf but we're gonna meet in the near future). My bf is amazing and he's so sweet and cares for me so much. I care for him a lot too, but I can't stop myself from comparing him to my old love. I think that if I had the option to get back the boy who lives on a different continent or have the boy who is in the same state as me, then I'd choose the boy farther away because it was just an incredible feeling being with him. I hate feeling this way, though because it's not fair to my current bf, who I really do care for and like a lot.
I think it's especially hard to get over my old love because I was the one who was stupid and caused us to stop talking. If it had been entirely his fault then I think it would've been a bit easier. But I'm just filled with so much regret. If I could go back in time, I would, despite the amazing bf I have now.
Now that's it's been so long since I've last talked to him, I think it'd be healthier to let him go, but I just don't want to let go of all those good memories. I don't want to let go of the hope that maybe one day I could talk to him again somehow. Even though it's almost two years later. He was just so incredibly important to me.
At the time, I even had a couple of dreams where we got to meet and hangout. I had even imagined us getting married and having a family, which is kind of ridiculous since I was only 16. I would have waited as many years as it took to be able to meet up with him one day. I would have gone to Germany as soon as I could so I could be with him. I even started teaching myself german because I loved him so much, I wanted to know everything about him and connect to him as much as I could.

I've never really told people about him like this. I've only mentioned talking to some german guy online. I'm sorry for the long text, it just kind of turned into a rant. If you did manage to read it all, thanks.