I want someones opinion on this!
so i was writing a little something, its just a little thing that i was plannin gn writing for a while but haven't gotten to it. I want advice and feedback on what i wrote so i cam improve. Its a little lengthy but i have these 2 chapters
Chapter One; The Awakening
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A sound rang throughout a room, a normal thing for Number 12. Everyday she awoke to the exact same buzzing sound.. It never changed. It remained the same. A low hum that bothered her ears everyday.. The girl tightened her eyes as she did not want to awake just yet. Suddenly, a man's voice echoed through the halls. A loud announcement that happened every morning.
“It is now 7;00 am in the morning. Get up and out of your dormitories”
Same old announcement as always. Number 12 opening her eyes, her pale blue eyes stared up at the Navajo white walls. Then she rose from her bed, the bed creaked as she made the smallest movement.. Everything in the room was white, the bedside table, the sheets to her bed, her slippers. It was like living in a void of white. The only color that remained was the pitch black bed frame of her awfully noisey bed. The black and white haired girl got up and made her way to the door, opening it up to reveal more white walls, some more of the other creatures were out as well “Creatures'' was what they were described as. They were a wide span of these “creatures”. All of them had a species, or a group to fit into. There were fairies, werewolves, vampires, demons, whatever a person may possibly think of were thrown into this plain white hell. Number 12, was divided into an ice sub category of this.
Number 12 made her way down to the cafeteria, these walls that kept on going. Everyday it felt like a walk straight to hell. She got her normal breakfast. Oatmeal with a side of water 12 walked over to wear and she normally sat, in a rounded table in the very back of the cafeteria with another creature.. Number 78. 78 was a special cause, he was divided up into the “demons” category. No one knew what he specifically was, but everyone knew he was terrifying. His pitch black eyes that were only seen when he decided to move his long shaggy bang out of the way. Many say those eyes will show you your worst fear, some say scientists and other creatures have gone insane just staring into them. 12 wouldn't know, she never did see them as 78 would always keep them covered.
“So.. icey” 78 spoke up. “Did you sleep well?” he asked in a hushed tone of voice. He picked at the distasteful oatmeal with a spoon. 12 shrugged. How would she know the difference between good and bad? The only thing she ever felt was despair. She never raised her expectations for things for that exact reason as well. 78 huffed.
“Could ya atleast lie to me and say ya slept well?” 78 picked up the glassof water and took a short sip.
Tick
Tick
Tick.
The damned clock always seemd to be louder then 12s thoughts. She looked up then down at her snow white hands that seemed to be frosting over at the tips of them.
“I slept just fine” she replied in a gentle tone of voice.
Just as she finished her that sentence a familiar voice echoed through the speakers once again.
“Number 12,Please Report to lab 7.”
Chapter 2; The File
ID NUMBER; 12
BIRTH DATE ; 21 - JULY - 1999
SEX ; F
CATEGORY; N/A
SUBCATEGORY ; ICE
12 stared at the file at the desk and stared up. There sat what the creatures called “Dr. Despair” as he would run inhumane tests on the to see their “limits” his real name was Dr. Lawrence Allen..
“Do you know what this is?” he asked, this was only a single page of her file, the introduction she assumed. She knew her file held more information then just this, it had statistics of her health and how shes doing in tests but other then that. Nothing she doesnt already knows.
“I do” she said calmly. She always acted calm in front of him, as he took any other voice or attitude as disrespect and 12 wasnt up to one of his severe punishments.
“Good” Dr.Allen said as he walk over to a surgery table. “Your going to have a procedure done in a couple of minutes. You’ve been selected for a special program.” He turned and smiled at her. Special program? She thought. What can be worse then eating the same tasteless oatmeal everyday? 12 nodded in response. “This special program lets you.. Explore the outside world, outside these plain white walls.” He countiuned. 12 practically snapped her head up. Outside? SHes never gone outside.. Shes read books about the animals, plants, and land but she’d never seen it outside of pictures. To 12, this was such a big honor. She may even be able to see the snow, something shes always wanted to see. Just as she opened her mouth to speak a nurse came in with a tray. “We are ready.” the woman said.
When instructed, she laid down on the surgery table. A mask was put on her face and within seconds.. 12 fell into a deep slumber.
