insom_nova's Favorite

I’m tired of commenting on everyone else posts, so I’ll make my own. I’ll go through ever point I’ve seen, and explain why it’s incorrect. Match your point to mine to see an explanation.

“They’ve played multiple times before and did worse”
Yes, but consent does not carry. Especially in bdsm. Just because someone agreed once before, does not give their partner the right to their body indefinitely. In real bdsm, each play is discussed beforehand and is approved on by both parties. Clearly this didn’t happen, because chanwoo was shocked at md’s instructions.

“It’s bdsm they can be hit”
No. Bdsm is consensual, and chanwoo did not and can not consent.

“Why can’t he consent?”
He is shown several times to be mentally and emotionally incapable. Md choked him to see if he was capable of saying the safeword. It was confirmed that he couldn’t when he did not say it. Chanwoo is shown with a bruised face and repeatedly brushes off concern with “I’m fine”.

“He knows how md feels but he goes to the other guy anyways”
A person is never, ever obligated to return someone’s unrequited feelings. After md confessed, chanwoo politely refused And wished to keep a casual bdsm relationship. Because they stated beforehand that they want their bdsm and romantic lives separate, md’s feelings do not belong in their plays.

“How is he being manipulated? This is unrelated to their plays”
Yes, personal feelings should be left out of bdsm. MD knows that, but he puts them there anyways. Md also knows that chanwoo values him as a bdsm partner and as a friend, so when chanwoo attempted to introduce md to his boyfriend and he clearly was upset, no plays should’ve been initiated until md could cool down his feelings. Chanwoo was given an ultimatum, in that he either participate in the play or never communicate with md again. He fears losing md, so he agrees despite clearly not wanting to. This is coercion, and a coerced person cannot consent.

“Md is upset because chanwoo hurt his feelings so that’s why he hit him like that”
Again, unrequited feelings are never obligated to be returned, and personal feelings have no place in a casual bdsm relationship. Yes this hurt his feelings, but hurt feelings are never an excuse to coerce or hurt another person.

“He deserves it”
No one deserves abuse. Ever.

“How is it abuse”
It is abuse because he cannot consent. No consent = abuse/rape.

“I’ve been in a bdsm relationship that had plays exactly like this and I’m fine”
I’m sorry you’ve been abused before, but you should not use it as leverage to excuse other abuse.

“It’s just fiction why are you mad”
I, and many others, are mad because this abuse is being disguised as bdsm. This is harmful to the bdsm community, because it puts us in a bad light, and relates us to abusers. We are only attempting to keep our community’s image clear.