beta
i see some people saying this sex scene they waited so long for didn’t live up to their expectations (which, an odd thing to say i guess) buuuuut as someone who has read the novel, i think this scene was done in a quick “flashback” way bc it wasn’t really like a special moment for yohan in terms of his relationship with jay. like it obviously is but yohan used having sex with jay as “punishment” or an excuse to cry over his wrong doings, esp in regards to his family. he did this as well when they had sex the first time so many years ago. he’s always felt he didn’t deserve to cry for his family as he caused the mess in the first place
after the scene with the director, yohan truly feels like he wants to be alive, which is something he feels he doesn’t deserve to do. which is why he mentioned in that scene as well that after paying his debt off, he used revenge as an excuse to live. this changes of course, but he feels bad for wanting to live just for the sake of wanting to live. i genuinely think yohan is one of my favorite BL characters ive read; hes so complex in everything he thinks and does. seeing his character develop is my favorite part of this story (╥﹏╥)
there will also be more intimate moments of the couple besides this one as well as some cute moments (*cough the jealous jay scene not too long after this; ALSO THE HOSPITAL SCENE MY GOD WHEN I SAY I CRIED A RIVER) there’s still so much more to see of them, i’m exited to see the rest of the novel adapted┗( T﹏T )┛