...Im not really digging this too much. It bothers me a bit with him being someone she ido...

Not trying to start an argument or anything, just looking to see others' perspectives. Is the root issue for your dislike about him being her idol? If so, applying real world logic, would anyone having sex with someone they idolise be in automatic dubious relationship? Even if there's mutual consent?

It's a topic that's been tickling my noggin (groupie culture) so would appreciate any insight.

yea pretty much. I tend to be more suspicious of relationships that start off with a very offset power dynamic (teacher/student, boss/employee, and ones with large age gaps with one being barely an adult). I'm not saying that these relationships can never work out, but they do need to have a lot more care put into them.

For this story, the dude is a straight-up celebrity to her. She is going to trust him and agree with whatever he says much more than if he was initially a stranger to her. So this can easily become a toxic relationship where she will accept whatever he does to her without argument, and to an extent that already happened. She wants a loving and intimate relationship with him but I think that she thinks that she doesn't have the right to ask for that (this is just how I interpreted the last few pages, I could be wrong). And this is all without the dude doing anything wrong, it's just how this relationship was started.

oh btw, I also love having these discussions, I find them really interesting. So I'd love to get your take on this too.

Thanks for replying! I do agree with what you've said regarding relationships with power imbalances. Personally, I grew up in an environment where this imbalance was the norm rather than the exception (old foreigners married with young Asian women) so I am critical when seeing such couples nowadays. And as mentioned, these relationships being healthy isn't an impossibility, but it does require mutual work/compromise, as well as a personal maturity than can cope with the problems these types of relationships usually have ie extremes in codependency, insecurity, etc.

With regards to the story though, I am more forgiving with their relationship. I do find Kirari's saviour complex mindset of "I'll fix you, no matter what it takes... even at the cost of my chastity" concerning. It is as you say: it stems from Kajiura being her idol/celebrity god, as obviously, one wouldn't go so far for a stranger they just met (I hope!). However, as the story progressed and we see more of their interactions, I feel that Kajiura shatters any "princely" expectations Kirari has with his sloppy slovenly lifestyle and the state of his current writing. I think it also helped that Kajiura was not some alpha wannabe and was complying with whatever changes Kirari made to his lifestyle. To me, it served as a means to show that whilst he IS a celebrity to her, she's got more control than I expected there to be in their relationship. It doesn't change the fact that Kirari's got some serious issues that need addressing, but I feel it shows that their relationship has the ability to be a healthy one.

Kirari not voicing out she wants a loving relationship feels more like a misunderstanding than anything. She thinks that Kajiura is using his ex-wife as the muse/heroine and she's got some insecurities of her own. She only views herself as an editor and fan of Kajiura, and doesn't aspire to be anything more since she doesn't even believe herself to be in the running. The end of chapter 5 implies they're going on a date, so hopefully that gives her the idea that he does see her as a woman.

TL;DR Ultimately, I do think Kajiura has the big burden of making Kirari see she's more than what she thinks she is. Regardless of how it all ends, I think Kirari will ALWAYS view Kajiura as an idol/saviour which on it's own is problematic. However, Kajiura being how he is, allows their dynamic to be healthy imo.

Sorry for the wall of text, I tend to go off tangent and lose the plot halfway! Hopefully some of it makes sense lmao