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Little spoiler (sorry for my bad english)

Rin Hana January 8, 2020 11:48 am

thank you so much for the update but i don't think i can hurt myself for 2nd time.uwwwuuu
it hurt so much after reading the novel. i should listen to not read the manhua since i can see zhishus suffering. the novel kills me. i cried over an hour. i feel numb. i thought last time i was crying when i read the chapter lan zhan was suffering after wei ying's death. he can't protect him and go thru what weiying's likes. so it's the same as Dr. Ai. i feel so sad for Dr. Ai who truly loves zhishu. he keeps checking on zhishu's breath afraid that zhishu will leave him. but in the end zhishu died. god knows how painful reading it. have a long nice sleep zhishu. wait for me.
and the last letter from wenxu that i remember was

" dear my beloved wife, I really miss you, every breath I think of you, my heart hurt so much. you have been reluctant to come back home and i feel time move slowly. You used to wait for me, but now, I'll be here waiting for you forever. I feel cruel and unfair of what i did to you. I regret it all the time. i hate myself for not being better to you at first and now i blame myself for never indulging you once. I know it was wrong. now you have gone so far, you haven't even looked back, and you not even given me a chance to atone."

I will learn to be patient and wait for you forever, in the days when you leave, i atoned all my sins in the coldness and pain as the same pain i once made to you, day and night. I've done the wrong things, i wish i could fix it but that things don't work as I wish, and it might be too late to turn back. I do not ask forgiveness, but i'll use my the rest future and life for you. I just want to wait for you.... i don't know if i still have afterlife after the evil things i done, that's why for the rest of my this life, i will always loving you.

*his letter is long and heartbreaking, read the novel for his full epilogue. this is just small part.

Brahh... appreciate the one you love when they were alive, not after they die,.

Responses
    Raikatuji January 8, 2020 6:47 pm

    I understand the seme frustation to atone his sin to the uke. But even tho I feel like it is also understandable how the uke would give up on their relationship, but I just annoyed how the doctor keep them away. I just wish like they can have a serious deep talk, even if they won't get back together at least they talk. It would end up better and more peaceful, I think. If they end up like not having much talk, no wonder the seme feel guilt for the rest of his life and having a suicide (from the spoiler I heard the seme is having a suicide, idk tho).

    Raikatuji January 8, 2020 6:50 pm

    Sometimes I blame the uke a little bit for not being selfish and screaming to him "I'm sick, I need your attention!"
    But then I also understand that he need love, not pity.

    Rin Hana January 8, 2020 7:30 pm
    I understand the seme frustation to atone his sin to the uke. But even tho I feel like it is also understandable how the uke would give up on their relationship, but I just annoyed how the doctor keep them awa... Raikatuji

    3 of them were suffering so much. I cried entire night. I agree with you. dr.ai should let wenxu meet zhishu but this is the price of what he did. He just doesn’t want anyone hurt zhishu. He love Zhishu so much eventho he knows Zhishu till the last breath still loving wenxu. Zhishu died in dr.ai’s arm and he didn’t cried. Wenxu even until the last, didn’t get a chance to meet zhishu even his dead body. But when wenxu going insane and crying asking why dr ai can’t save him? Don’t you promise? Dr ai break tears and hit him and cried so hard. I’m a doctor but I can’t save the one i love. If you read wenxu epilogue i was cried like crazy. He back to their house. Saying like zhishu i’m home. He open the light and pretend like Zhishu was there. He didn’t commit suicide but went to paris after he had some strength, to cure his lung problem. Dr ai went to russia. His brother ask him if he found someone just give a go. He said, i may meet someone but i will never fell in love with anyone. He said to zhishu that he will love him forever just like wenxu. The sad and tragic ending for all of them. Zhishu gave the huge impact to these semes after death. I actually hope zhiyu and wenxu meet atleast once but no.. dr ai never let them, even on the phone.

    ChrolloLucif January 9, 2020 8:09 am
    I understand the seme frustation to atone his sin to the uke. But even tho I feel like it is also understandable how the uke would give up on their relationship, but I just annoyed how the doctor keep them awa... Raikatuji

    The uke didn’t even want to see the seme tho so...

    Rin Hana January 9, 2020 8:36 am
    The uke didn’t even want to see the seme tho so... ChrolloLucif

    yup. even for his last breath, he didn't want to meet him ever. i feel so hurt seeing how wenxu live in sorrow and pain for the rest of his life. but when i remember that he was cheating for years,.. i don't know how to feel anymore.. i'm so twisted. lol

    ChrolloLucif January 9, 2020 8:38 am
    yup. even for his last breath, he didn't want to meet him ever. i feel so hurt seeing how wenxu live in sorrow and pain for the rest of his life. but when i remember that he was cheating for years,.. i don't k... Rin Hana

    Argh, same! I don’t even know why I wrote that I’m also just sad :(

    марионетка January 9, 2020 8:43 am

    Why uke have to die? Didn’t seme said he’ll find bone narrow for him? Did he really die?

    марионетка January 9, 2020 8:45 am
    Argh, same! I don’t even know why I wrote that I’m also just sad :( ChrolloLucif

    He really die?? How about the doctor? No..the ending is so tragic

    Rin Hana January 9, 2020 8:51 am
    Why uke have to die? Didn’t seme said he’ll find bone narrow for him? Did he really die? марионетка

    it's too late. wenxu's brother told him is no use even he found the bone marrow. zhishu also realize this. that's why he didn't want to continue the chemotherapy. he knows eventually he will die. he use the rest of time he had to be with dr. ai and reminiscing his 10 years in love with wenxu. zhishu could be saved if wenxu realize and take care of him earlier but everything was too late. he did find the bone marrow but as his brother said, it's no use. he's in the last stage of cancer. nothing could do. Dr ai also understand the situation, and he wants to give so much happiness to zhishu.. read the novel and you will be crying even worst than reading the manhua.

    марионетка January 9, 2020 8:56 am
    it's too late. wenxu's brother told him is no use even he found the bone marrow. zhishu also realize this. that's why he didn't want to continue the chemotherapy. he knows eventually he will die. he use the res... Rin Hana

    Shit! That’s too sad. I will not read the novel. Seme is so stupid. Why would he go looking for bone marrow. He should be with uke, not wasting time looking for bone marrow

    Rin Hana January 9, 2020 9:07 am
    Shit! That’s too sad. I will not read the novel. Seme is so stupid. Why would he go looking for bone marrow. He should be with uke, not wasting time looking for bone marrow марионетка

    either he refuses to believe or he just doesn't listen to what his brother said. he can't be with zhishu because of dr. ai didn't let them meet and zhishu also didn't care when he came to meet him. he hopes when he finds the bone marrow, zhishu will be back to health and he swore to treat him very very very better everyday. he told dr. ai to let him keep zhishu until he found the bone marrow. he asked dr.ai to protect zhishu and when zhishu is healthy, he'll take him back to their house. but.. zhishu can't wait. he died slowly in dr.ai's arm until his body become cold. uwawawa... you read it yourself. i'm so sad.

    trix January 14, 2020 5:24 am
    I understand the seme frustation to atone his sin to the uke. But even tho I feel like it is also understandable how the uke would give up on their relationship, but I just annoyed how the doctor keep them awa... Raikatuji

    He should have done something before, he can keep his frustration and his guilt forever.

    Raikatuji January 14, 2020 2:05 pm
    He should have done something before, he can keep his frustration and his guilt forever. trix

    Yeah I know everyone reacy differently, it's okay. I don't want them to be back together because I know it's too much to ask, I just want them to talk and end it a little bit nicer. :-)
    Imagine you go through a massive guilt in your life and he/she end up died before you even apologize.

    trix January 14, 2020 3:09 pm
    Yeah I know everyone reacy differently, it's okay. I don't want them to be back together because I know it's too much to ask, I just want them to talk and end it a little bit nicer. :-) Imagine you go through a... Raikatuji

    I know there are good people like you in the world :) but honestly I'm not the forgiving type. If was a minor misunderstanding, ok, one cheating case, ok... But how it was oh no,he deserves to carry the guilt.

    Raikatuji January 16, 2020 2:50 am
    I know there are good people like you in the world :) but honestly I'm not the forgiving type. If was a minor misunderstanding, ok, one cheating case, ok... But how it was oh no,he deserves to carry the guilt. trix

    Oh yeah, is this fictional or based on real story? It's fictional, right?

    trix January 16, 2020 4:53 am
    Oh yeah, is this fictional or based on real story? It's fictional, right? Raikatuji

    It is fictional, although is not far from reality, it's a very realistic storytelling style.

    Raikatuji January 16, 2020 8:43 am
    It is fictional, although is not far from reality, it's a very realistic storytelling style. trix

    Yeah I still think a longterm relationship need a talk to end it property :-)

    trix January 16, 2020 8:56 am
    Yeah I still think a longterm relationship need a talk to end it property :-) Raikatuji

    Generally yes, but when you try and get beaten up in return, you jut run right?

    Raikatuji January 18, 2020 2:30 pm
    Generally yes, but when you try and get beaten up in return, you jut run right? trix

    But I'll talk if he wanted me to, just to end it and explain.

    марионетка January 20, 2020 4:36 pm
    But I'll talk if he wanted me to, just to end it and explain. Raikatuji

    If it were me, i’ll listen but will not accept what he’s done. He can spit blood but nah nah I won’t buy