why is abusive (not bdsm ) yaoi more accepted than straight abusive relationship manga/manhwa

because it's the "emotional turmoil" of the GUY. yeah, it's unfair, but that's how it is.

Seeing that the main demographic of yaoi are girls, it’s probably because they can relate more to straight relationships than gay ones and actually imagine what an abusive relationship would be like. Basically, fetishizing gay people disables your ability to regard them as regular human beings(and empathize).

Well, I think it's that, combined with the allure of emotional turmoil.

I AGREE 100%

same and yeah thats a good point

Yeah, but you don't really see a lot of yuri with abuse-at least, not that I've seen.

I think a lot of the fault falls on the way it's presented. It's become such a common thing in yaoi that authors don't even portray it as bad anymore. So the reader seas that it's "not bad" for the characters, so what's the big deal?
It's a huge deal, at least for me （￣へ￣）
I wish authors treated their characters like humans with real emotions. Especially since a big chunk of their audience is so young

true

Gonna talk from the perspective that 'abuse' is 'sexual abuse' because that's the most common thing that gets questioned.

First: it's not. I don't even like hentai but every single one I've come across has had some form of sexual abuse. Even the last hentai with romance had a sister raping her brother. I think she beat him up first too.

Still, there's not as much abuse as people like to say. The mangaka is telling a story. They'll portray abuse if they want it there, usually by showing the uke actively resisting. IRL, your partner in sex can have a negative voice. They can unwittingly and even unwillingly say 'stop'. Now, IRL...you fucking stop anyway because you're not psychic and can't assume they don't really mean it (safewords are your friends). But in manga, you are psychic. The mangaka wrote both characters. We start with assumed consent and the mangaka has to take it away in order to portray sexual abuse.

Consent issues are a big trigger for me. So I don't read a lot of the manga that has them. But another thing to consider is that we have different fixations when we read manga. So when I read an A/B/O manga where the Alpha throws away the Omega's heat meds in order to force their body into sex, I feel sick. I feel so disgusted I want to vomit. But another person is reading the same manga and they're hot for it. Because they're fixated not on exactly how much of a violation that is, but the desperation and passion. They're seeing another side to the story I can't see myself.

That's going to be easier to do with a m/m couple if you're a female because you don't have the same symbiotic connection with the other persons body. There's a level of distance there that lets you see things from the outside, whereas you may connect too strongly with a female character to do so. I'm just drawing lines here though. Like I said, I don't find it's more acceptable in yaoi than it is anywhere else in manga.

Agreed. (Also, the term is Omegaverse btw)

Yeah I know. I'm just used to writing A/B/O since that's how it gets marked in fanfic (or it used to...I'm old)

Woah... you learn something new EVERY DAY XD

If you're talking sexual abuse, then probably because the victim isn't written with the trauma they should have.
If we're talking subtle, physiological, possessive, controlling abuse, then it's because readers are too young to recognize how toxic it is. I think the ones "accepting" it are young.