Thank you, this comment was/is really beautiful. I cried really hard after oscar's death, it was kinda like losing a close friend. Idk why it hit me in the feels so hard but it did. So thank you for your comment, it really made me feel better
I remember feeling incredibly heartbroken over Ilya's death when that happened... Seeing Ilya's influence on Misha and the companionship they shared, and then Misha facing the cruelty of Ilya's relatives firsthand at Ilya's funeral... It was just so tragic I recognized how lonely Ilya was and why Misha was so important in Ilya's life.
I remember feeling incredibly heartbroken over Ilya's death when that happened... Seeing Ilya's influence on Misha and the companionship they shared, and then Misha facing the cruelty of Ilya's relatives firsthand at Ilya's funeral... It was just so tragic I recognized how lonely Ilya was and why Misha was so important in Ilya's life. That certainly impacted my one-year break from the story lol.
Maybe reading about Ilya was what made it somewhat easier for me to face Oscar... Ilya was a father, a mentor, a lover, a friend to Misha... Ilya was Misha's saviour, leading our young boy away from the abusive home and work life he had. Misha being reborn as Mikhail Ilych Kustov led him to opening his own perfume store, and opening his world to new friends (Diego, Callo, Lily) and meeting Gian, which sadly reflects Misha and Ilya's relationship through Gian's dependence...
I was on my phone, but my message was cut off after it was posted :/ I'll continue the rest:
I feel that like Misha's rebirth through his bond with Ilya, Lily shun this light into Oscar's life. After racing for years and years without a goal, and Oscar waiting for Eduardo for eight years... Lily's existence; his love and patience for Oscar were like a dream Oscar didn't know was possible. To meet someone who is so straightforward about his feelings for you (at first, Oscar thought Lily only wanted sex, but Lily kept coming back, despite knowing Oscar was still with Eduardo) ...who wouldn't be touched by someone like that? The genuine effort and passion from Lily were recognized, and Oscar indeed took his time to decide what to do. I think Oscar was very human, through his indecisiveness about his relationship with Eduardo and later feeling more stable towards his racing career, after being with Lily.
I think I know what you mean when you said losing Oscar was like losing a friend. I think many of us can relate to how Oscar felt. Many of us have experienced, or are at least sympathetic, to what it's like to have moments where we're unsure about the direction in our lives, and/or how it feels like to have someone important to us neglect us, yet not completely cutting off that bond either... After all, there is a chance the bond can rekindle, if you don't break it off completely >< Oscar faced years of loneliness as a racer, and he was neglected for eight years by Eduardo... To me, Oscar represents the deep yearning we humans have inside: to live with certainty and to be loved.
So, I'm glad Oscar experienced what he desired from Lily. :)) And that Lily and Eduardo continue to live independently, content with their careers. Both individuals aren't necessarily rejecting romance altogether, so they both have a chance to have new romantic lives. And that's where I felt uncomfortable regarding Misha and Gian's story (lol) because Misha was resilient through opening his perfume store, while Gian just moved on to a new relationship after his divorce... ><
I feel that romantic love can be wonderful if it makes you content, like how Oscar felt with Lily. But if you're using that love to be incomplete and you feel insecure like Gian...then it's not healthy either. Overall, it's important to focus on yourself and be content. Part of me wished Oscar retired from the racing world, so he wouldn't have died, and he could have spent more time with his mother... Yet, Lily might have died, and their relationship might not have been as developed as it was... :/ So, love can help move us forward, but it can also bring tragic ends like Oscar's death... </3
Thank you for reading my comment. I'm glad I made you feel better and that I have someone to talk with. I find that it can be very helpful to talk about your thoughts and feelings, which can not only make you feel better, but also understand yourself better. Feel free to reply, if you want to continue this conversation. ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
it is just that it was the first time for me to feel this sad about the death of a fictional character. I always like to imagine that even after a story ends the characters continue their lifes and still do their things, as if we just read a little piece of their life. But for Oscar and Lily the story really ended there, actually just for Oscar because Lily continues to live. So I just think about all the things they couldn't do together and it really hurts.
When Ilya died it wasn't as bad for me because i kinda knew that he was going to die (this might sound harder than i mean). I just got this kinda feeling because he had this heart condition and was much older than Misha. You Know-how, Oscar still had so much he could have done and experienced, he was still young after all. Misha on the other hand was (because of his condition and age) not as painful to lose as Oscar. My arguments might sound and I'm sorry if any of my Opinions might offend You but I really enjoy this conversation and it helps to ease the pain :')
Yikes, I didn't see your message earlier and here I am replying. I hope you enjoy the rest of this conversation too :)
http://www.mangago.me/home/mangatopic/2992251/ <-- This is the thread on Ilya, where my feels and somebody else's came out LOL. It illustrates how I was feeling about Ilya, and our overall thoughts on his life. Feel free to read it :))
Do you have moments when you watch a series and you know a character is about to die -perhaps through foreshadowing- but you still feel sad anyway? There is a manga that has an anime adaptation called Natsuyuki Rendezvous (translation: A Summer Snow Rendezvous). I haven't read the manga, and I have seen the anime adaptation. That story portrays love and life, life and death, death and love... Sometimes, someone could be diagnosed with an illness, or a fortune teller or someone who can see the future can tell you that someone you love doesn't have much longer to live, but it could still make you sad anyway when they do leave you. And years, years later, you may continue to long for them... ╥﹏╥
I remember Misha used to reflect, "You gave me the keys to all the rooms in this house, but you never open yourself to me." So, when Ilya opened his heart to Misha, the two grew so much closer. Ilya didn't have to live in isolation anymore, which was his life for years before Misha began living with him. I think the thought of living and eventually dying alone, where you feel that there is no one who loves you...is too lonely. You can begin losing the motivation to live. I remember when Ilya passed away, I was frozen. Misha and Ilya were content with their lives together; it was a warm day, when Misha was planting flowers and Ilya tenderly rubbed the dirt off Misha's chin, before leaving their house to buy Misha a vase. And when Misha was informed Ilya passed away, he wondered what the expression on Ilya's face was... :( Until the end, they cared for each other. So, Misha and Ilya loved each other: being neglected and mistreated by their own respective families, they became each other's family. Sometimes, human beings are simple; companionship can be enough for us to look forward to another day, and give us a sense of purpose.
Although Oscar's life was short, I'm happy that he was bathed with so much love from Lily. I'm glad Eduardo loved Oscar too, but Lily's persistence and sweetness made Oscar feel loved and cared for again. I just genuinely enjoy seeing characters be loved and to experience love, as simple as that sounds x)) I think for Oscar and Lily to live the normal, stable life together that Oscar yearned for, it would make sense for the two of them to retire. :/ But again, Lily had potential and loves to race, so he wasn't ready to retire. Oscar would have probably waited years for Lily to gain more racing experience and maybe win some awards, before Lily feels ready to retire and settle together... Their relationship could have continued to develop, I agree with you. It is sad knowing the future Oscar dreamed for himself was gone. We didn't even see Oscar meet with his mother... :(
I finally brought myself to finish Phantom, after putting it on hold for a year. I felt like the words were just passing by in front of my eyes. I was in denial, just like Lily was. Oscar passing away was foreshadowed, but I still didn't want to see it happen ╥﹏╥ It hurt me when Lily broke down, "... If only I hadn't loved him... Oscar. Oscar, I'm sorry." ╥﹏╥ But no Lily, Oscar was so grateful to be loved by you! We saw Oscar's loneliness throughout his racing career.
Even now, I still remember Oscar talking to his mother about retiring early so that he could spend more time with her. Although she was comforted to hear Oscar's sincerity, she didn't want him to let go of his talents for her. Oscar kept racing and racing without a goal in sight, until he met Eduardo. But although Oscar and Eduardo loved each other, they were constantly apart, due to their careers. Meeting Lily allowed Oscar to receive so much affection, to be bathed with love, and to experience moments of a peaceful, normal life he always yearned for. </3 Meeting Lily and loving him were all gifts to Oscar, that he would never exchange for anything in the world. I'm certain that Oscar did not regret taking Lily's place, even if he did survive and suffered injuries that would never allow him to race again.
Despite the uncertainty Oscar faced throughout his life, such as the future of his racing career and his relationship with Eduardo... Oscar was certain about one thing: that he loved Lily. And that love was enough for Oscar to risk himself on the track, despite the rain forecast and knowing it was dangerous to drive.
It honestly makes me scared to think that Lily might have faced the same fate as Oscar, if Lily was on the racing track instead... :( The race wasn't cancelled altogether, and Priya and Eduardo had a conversation earlier about wanting a new driver on Team Phantom. But Lily already had a contract, so Priya could not have Lily leave the team either. Oscar had a feeling then that Lily might have died, if Eduardo and Priya did stage an 'accident' to the public.
Overall, the ending of this short story shows Lily racing in the Indigo car, which was intended for Oscar. That gave me a feeling of Lily living on Oscar's legacy. Oscar wanted Lily to continue racing because Lily has potential and he's gifted. Lily racing is a way of continuing his relationship with Oscar. It's the world Oscar dedicated his life to, it's where he died... It's how Lily and Oscar met and fell in love. Racing is not just an individual association on Lily's end. And the same goes to Eduardo. Eduardo will continue to improve and make better cars for racers as he lives on and remembers Oscar, and the past they shared... </3
Feel free to reply and have a conversation! I'm grieving over our loss, and I would be glad to have people to chat with. <33