You're the Dom! Nice. How cute. Your partner forgets it. But yeah there is no need since as a partner you know what your partner can handle and you wouldn't subject him to something he can almost die. Though, I've seen pretty hardcore ones floating around Tumblr which is pretty.....well. I'm glad they are still alive, maybe. Bondage and pain I guess are just tools but, correct me if I'm wrong, the whole point of BDSM esp for Subs is to be stripped off of their agency and independence, lose control of themselves and let someone take over them.
I watched or read somewhere that others hire or create clubs for BDSM. I even see like some sort of harem BDSM. Those cases indeed need safe words because they are random people and even if you know them, there's no emotional connection the way romantic partners do. The level of trust they have would be completely different compared to you guys. Shizuru (seme-kun, I had to read the first chapter to remember) exudes being an exclusive Dom, so he wouldn't be doing it to random people and it's like his Sub should always be his romantic partner.
Yeah, I think my biggest issue with this manga is actually the lack talk about boundaries. The uke is completely new to this, to me a resposible Dom would've taken more time to explain what the uke was getting into and at least explained what a safeword is. But mostly the talk about boundaries, hard and soft ones.
I think why the author chose it this way was either 1) it's the fictional part of the story, 2) shows how much of a risk taker and confident the Dom is, 3) to cut the scenes short, or all of the above.
Shizuru was able to test how much of a Sub Akihisa can be. One of the comments I have read, Doms are able to identify people who are potential Subs, in this case Akihisa was a complete Sub, and Shizuru testing Akihisa apparently was successful. Also, Shizuru's approach was that of not intending the relationship as a casual one and he was expecting this to be an exclusive one. Training his personal Sub. With that logic, he didn't need Akihisa to fully wrap his head around BDSM, after all no else would be dominating Akihisa but him. Quite conceited, selfish and totally dominating, imo. Well I thought it was very fun this way. If sensei went very traditional, I think it wouldn't be as interesting and spicy as it is now.
I still thought he was a bad dom in many ways in the beginning.
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/mi/30ba27864169047076448c274a9d7eb5_chapter-1/25/
Chapter 1, page 25. Their first "real" scene. This is the killer for me. If the mangaka wanted to depict a healthy BDSM relationship this totally ruined it for me.
This is litterally the first time they have sex. This is litterally the first time the uke tries BDSM. There has been no talk of boundaries (hard or soft). No talk of safewords, and at this point they are NOT an exclusive couple who knows each other's tells. Even if he is a very experienced Dom people are different and you cannot rely on your own skills to read a sub in a first time situation completely.
When the uke revokes consent, which he does in a calm and collected manner (not the blushy and flustered "no" that people usually rely on to defend dub-con as not rape) the Dom gags him. GAGS HIM. No talk of safewords, no boundaries.
Yes, after this the uke gets hard, willingly sucks the Dom, and thinks he could have protested harder. That's all fine. But the Dom could not have known that in the page I linked. The Dom did not care about the uke's consent, experience, or limits in that moment. So far I've read no argument that convices me otherwise.
I think he's depicted as a good Dom:
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/mi/tr_chapter-2/pg-8/
Checking that the bondage is not too tight/uncomfortable (in a bad way).
But to me he he's shown as a bad Dom more often:
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/mi/tr_chapter-2/pg-19/ Chapter 2, page 19: the Dom says the uke says he doesn't know how to ask him to stop. We don't know if this means the uke doesn't know how (like a safeword?), or has been told and just isn't doing it. We, as the reader, don't know. A scene with them talking about safewords and boundaries would've stopped this.
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/mi/30ba27864169047076448c274a9d7eb5_chapter-3/17/ Chapter 3, page 17: The Dom did not think the uke would he return. Did he himself think he went to far? Does he know the way he did things are wrong?
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/mi/30ba27864169047076448c274a9d7eb5_chapter-3/26/ Cahpter 3, page 19: uke says that it is still far ahead that he will enjoy and feel it while doing it. Having sex? Or the BDSM? Both? It's not made clear and could be interpreted multiple ways.
So in conclusion: the Dom is good in some ways, but they do NOT in my opinion make up for the bad. But no one says the mangaka tried to depict a totally good Dom. I just don't like that people are saying this guy is a good Dom. Because to me he isn't.
Then I guess it was effective, Shizuru was successfully depicted as conceited, over confident, risk-taking and selfish. The theme of the story is mindfuck-ery and not the perfect healthy BDSM. Depends on people, some may think it's okay some don't, I mean among those who do practice it, DEFINITELY not those who don't. We shouldn't have a complete say about it since we don't have first hand experience on it. Disclaimer: Everything I say are just based from what I learned from those who do practice it here in the comments section.
You are definitely right. What he is doing should be between long time partners but he is skipping way ahead because if I try to think like Shizuru, that's just how he is, I mean his personality. Indeed quite of a bastard, he just consumes everything in a person and he doesn't care about the other's welfare, rather he defines that person's welfare. And he just waited if the next person ringing his door would be the police or Akihisa, bet his ego was overflowing when he successfully created a Sub out of Akihisa, when he came back.
As someone who likes femdom myself, someone who did extensive research about this before diving into the BDSM community, it just annoys me that people call this healthy.
It's not a healthy relationship at all. And that's fine! It's fine to write story about that. It's fine to write about a Dom who isn't perfect. But I'm so annoyed that people are defending him and saying that's how BDSM works. Like no. Consent is still very much a thing in BDSM.
I know you're not saying that it's healthy, but god, so many here are.
Regarding consent it depends, like joannac who I got to talk with here in the comments, practicing BDSM for 25 years (yeah I highly value their credentials, lol), considers the consent valid, since it was re-affirmed later on.
It still depends on perspective, I guess. I know you have your knowledge and experience to back your stand on consent but I also read someone else's and upon scrutiny, I have considered the consent valid, as well. By the book, yes, this is not a healthy one, but in some way it is still possible, a non-traditional one that is, and can be made healthy.
Can't help but get those comments when all they have known about BDSM was through other fictional sources. I myself had some research done a while back so I do know how it is properly done and I was enlightened after reading joannac's insights.
I’ve read Joannac’s replies. Can’t say I agree with them on the consent thing.
Later on in the story the uke gives consent to many things and actively seeks out the seme. This is fine. That’s play the uke consented to.
But not this first time. Not to me. Yes, later the uke agrees and finds he likes the stuff. But on page 25 he says no. He says it seriously. The seme isn’t all-knowing. Doms are, despite what some might like to think, only human. He could not with certainty have known the uke would like things. In that moment he knew nothing of the uke’s tells. Later we learnt that the uke liked it. Later! The seme cannot see into the future. For all he knew the uke could hate what he was about to do. My issue is that despite the revoke of consent, despite not knowing his sub’s limits, despite the sub being new and inexperienced, he went ahead anyway. Even gagged him. To me that could never be okay.
I can't really say anything anymore since it seems you really see yourself in the situation and that if it were you, you would never accept Shizuru's methods.
But the way the author designed Shizuru is that he has a god-like personality and is overly confident and Akihisa turned out to be the perfect complement to his whims. He experimented on another person and he was successful in it.
I swear I worded this comment better but I lost everything I typed for some reason, so if you misunderstand me, I apologize.
I love how serious this has gotten. (づ￣ ³￣)づ
I'm curious, is anyone in the BDSM community? Lmao. I feel like I must know with these comments going out and about.